COÑO DAW O!

I was at Greenbelt Mall yesterday, killing time. I was alone and was roaming around the second level of Greenbelt 1 when my eyes met with the eyes of a moreno guy in green shirt and loose dark blue jeans. I took the escalator going down and stopped in front of the National Bookstore. The green-shirt -guy followed me.

He smiled at me and offered his hand and introduced himself as Joey. I was in my bitchy mode, so I did not take his hand but I answered, "Eric". Actually, I felt stupid shaking hands with him, I am afraid it might be too obvious for the people around the mall that I am cruising.

He tried to strike a conversation with me, to which I answered with minimal words. He said he is a senior ComSci student of Adamson University. At first, I though he was one of the callboys cruising in Greenbelt, but he was speaking in Tagalog and English with a coño accent, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He must be bored and would only want a good conversation. But I was having doubt to his being a coño.

He asked where I am working. Too which I answered, "in a law firm."

"Are you a lawyer? Coz if you are, you look too happy and too relax for a lawyer." I answered, no I am not a lawyer but I am trying to be one. "You must be studying in Ateneo," he said. I told him about Ateneo's policy of not accepting students who have some law units from other school (I had two semesters of law in Silliman University).

He must have felt that that is too discriminatory that he uttered what sounds like a curse which betrays his pretensions of being coño.

"BOY SHIT!" he said.

I thought, he just mispronounced it, but he repeated it three times. My stomach almost burst from trying not to laugh. Moments later, I said. "I am tired, I feel like going home. It was nice talking to you, bye." Well at least, I was still civil to him.

EAR PLUGS ANYONE?

What I miss most in living in the province is my peaceful sleep. Save for the very few instances where a pubescent driver would drive at full speed his silencer less motorcycle, all I can hear from my bedroom are the chirping of some insects and the soft blowing of the wind.

Here in Manila, that peaceful sleep seems to be impossible. Almost every night I can hear the loud conversation of those men drinking from a store just outside of my boarding house. That conversation stretches to early dawn. Next, you have trucks and other vehicles passing along Bautista St. of Palanan, Makati which is less than ten meters away from my place.

There are only two solutions I can think of. First is to have my room air-conditioned and install glass windows so as to minimize the noise coming in. Second, is to leave the place and stay at the innermost section of Forbes Park or other exclusive subdivision. Well, considering my state of finances, I won't be able to bring solution to the noise. Ear plugs, anyone?

This is one of the reason why I am hooked up to the TV. I have been following the Amazing Race, a reality show show on Studio 23 and Axn. I've found the show exciting because the 12 teams of two will race around the world. So other than watching the scenes from different places, you are also treated with adrenalin-rushing-challenges. An added feature of course are the gorgeous contestants. I failed to watch the Amazing Race 2, but i was able to follow the first Amazing Race and these lawyers - Rob and Brennan - were one of the reason why I was religious in watching the show.







Aren't they handsome? They won the first amazing race.

Now in the Amazing Race 3, twin model Derek and Drew are catching my attention.







Now you know the reason why. In the first episode, they ended up at the 11th place. By using the fastforward, they got the 1st place on the 2nd episode and was able to maintain their lead in the 3rd episode. However, in the 4th episode they ended at the 3rd place but with a minuted difference from the first and second.

All teams would want to defeat this twins. I bet they are just jealous because the twins were not really an obnoxious pair, they appear to be soft spoken and charming. Well who wont envy the two? One they are really goodlooking and two they are athletic.

Well you've got to watch the Amazing Race every Thursday (7p.m. at Studio 23 and 8 p.m. at Axn) to know what will hapen to the twins or you can log on at the CBS website for more information.

CRAZY THOUGHTS FROM TV ADS

I am watching too much television, this I admit. One thing you can't escape from the TV is the advertisements, so it wouldn't be surprising if I were able to develop these crazy thoughts. Or should I say, makers of these ads never really considered these ideas.

Let's start with that coffee mate ad. Eric Compton said that it is nice to wake up in the morning with a cup of coffee, then there is a girl talking about Coffee Mate being cheaper. Eric answered, "Ows! Talaga?" and the girl was surprised that he knows how to speak Tagalog.

Question. Who was that girl?

She couldn't be Eric secretary, governess, or girl friend. Because if she was one of the three (or anybody close to him), she would definitely know that Eric speaks Tagalog. So, if she is not someone close to Eric, what is she doing at Eric's house early in the morning?

I could only deduce one conclusion, she is a girl Eric pick up the night before. It’s a one-night stand. They were so hot that they went to bed fast without much talking, then they were exhausted, slept and wake up together in the morning. It was only in the morning where she know that this tisoy knows how to speak Tagalog.

Next advertisement.

Have you seen that Block and White ad where a girl driving a car drop by at a drive thru counter where she ordered coffee? At first the guy in the counter was attracted to her but was suddenly turn-off by her dark elbow.

Question. Is the guy straight?

This is what I know, a straight guy wouldn't really bother if you have a dark elbow. That wouldn't bother much for them. But for a gay guy, it is something.

Here's another one.

In the Lifebouy commercial, a group of Red Cross volunteers and members the Philippine Hospital Association and the Philippine Public Health Association were rushing (with their ambulances) to the house of Junior when it was time for him to take a bath.

Question. What is wrong with Junior that he needs all that attention from health experts?

I bet he haven't taken a bath for so long and he is already having a terrible smell, so terrible that he already needs the assistance of these experts.

Yeah, yeah, I've watched too much television already.

SURVIVING THE BOMB SCARE

Aldwyn, a friend who is managing a Human outlet in SM Cebu, said that the bomb scare has now reached Cebu City. I responded by saying that while we should take it seriously, we should continue doing our regular routine but take extra pre-caution. These people who do these things would be too happy if they feel that they succeeded in scaring us.

So in order to take these extra pre-caution, here's some tip from the Philippine Daily Inquirer :

How to spot a bomb
Posted: 0:20 AM (Manila Time) | Oct. 20, 2002
By TJ Burgonio
Inquirer News Service

AN INFORMED citizenry is the best weapon against terrorism. Law enforcement agencies need the help of ordinary citizens in spotting possible bombs and minimizing the damage caused by a bomb explosion.

Here are some tips from the Philippine National Police Firearms and Explosives Division and the US National Security Institute:


Indicators of a possible bomb:

1. Strange, unusual, unattended baggage, bags, boxes or parcels.

2. Tightly wrapped and compact packages or parcels.

3. Oily stains on an envelope or wrapping.

4. A ticking sound similar to that of a clock is heard from a baggage, bag, box or parcel.

5. Presence of electric wires, plastic cord and batteries in a baggage, bag or box.

6. Delivery of unexpected package or parcel.

7. Keep in mind that bombs can be constructed to look like almost anything and can be placed or delivered in many ways.

Don'ts

1. Don't panic.

2. Don't touch the suspected incendiary device or bomb.

3. Don't move or attempt to open suspicious or unattended packages.

4. Don't receive any package, bag, box or parcel from strangers.

5. In case of actual explosion, don't tamper with the debris.

Do's

1. Move at least 300 feet away from the bomb.

2. Turn off electrical and gas units when possible.

3. Report immediately the presence of suspicious packages to the building administrator or chief security officer of the establishment or any security guard or uniformed personnel.

4. Call the nearest military or police station.

In case a bomb threat is called in ...

1. Keep the caller on line as long as possible. Record every word spoken by the caller.

2. Ask the caller where the bomb is located and what time it will detonate.

3. Pay attention to background noises, such as motors running or music playing, which may give a clue as to the location of the caller.

4. Listen closely to the caller's voice (male, female), voice quality (calm, excited), accent, speech impediment.

5. Report the information immediately to the authorities.

6. Remain available. Law enforcers will want to interview you.

Contact numbers

In Metro Manila, the public may call 117.

· PNP Central Operations Center (+63 2) 722-0540, 721-8613; cell phone 0919-8662505, 0917-7479800

· NCRPO Tactical Operations Center (+63 2) 929-8591, 925-4823, cell phone (+63) 917-8413752

· Pacer Operations Center (+63 2) 724-7378

· EOD, Camp Crame (+63 2) 721-8544, 723-0401 loc 4514.

In the provinces, contact the chief of police or the fire department.

CLEVER BUS DRIVER

This is the time where I will praise a bus driver for his cunning act.

This morning, I watched from the news that two holduppers who victimize public utility bus were arrested. Apparently, these robbers never realized that they boarded a bus they have already victimized before. The driver immediately recognized them. When the driver saw a traffic enforcer in EDSA, he taught of creating a traffic violation to catch the attention of the police. When the police apprehended the bus, the bus conductor went down and told that among their passengers are holduppers. Assisted by other policemen, these holduppers were arrested immediately.

Well, thanks to the driver's cleverness, two criminals are no longer roaming the streets.

I am writing a suggestion. First, that the Emergency Number 117 should be accessible through the use of cellular phones. Second, that Smart Communications and Globe should cooperate with the police and create a number where we can send "emergency text", like holdup in buses so that the police could immediately respond before the robbers could depart. Third, that all buses should put a sign board inside the bus (where it could easily be seen) detailing the name of the bus and the plate number so that in case of emergency, the one sending the message could easily give the reference.

Isn't a great idea? If you know of a public official, please tell him about this.

COMMUTING SKILLS

Who says only those who drive need to learn some skills? If you are a regular commuter in Metro Manila, you need to learn a number of skills in order to arrive in your destination intact and the in fastest possible time.

First on the list of skills you need to master is the Balancing Skill. As soon as you enter the bus, the driver wouldn't care if you are able to find a seat, he will just step on the accelerator. Most of these drivers never ever have taken seriously their Physics classs in high school (if the reach that level!) and understand Newton's "Law on Inertia". So you have to learn to find your seat while the bus is running. Now, the balancing thing would be more of a challenge when you take the jeepney becuase you have to to the balancing act with your body bending.

Next skill you need to learn is understanding the signboards. When you see an Ortigas in the bus sign, never ever take the bus immediately, look if its has Ilalim or Flyover in it. Of course, when it has flyover, it means it won't be able unload in Robinsons Galleria.

Another thing you need to master is the schedules of special celebration like Baclaran Day, Araw ng Makati, etc. Why? Because if you are in hurry and you passed by Roxas Boulevard in Baclaran during Wednesday you are bound to be delayed because of the traffic. Wednesday is Baclaran day and considering the number of devotees of that that Church in Baclaran, it would certainly clog the street.

One time also, I was surprised why the north bound lane of Buendia from Southsuperhighway was jammed with vehicle. I learned later on that a portion of Ayala was closed (the one fronting the Philippine Stock Exchange) because of the Araw ng Makati Celebration. One taxi passenger was stucked in Ayala for four hours during that day.

Now, if you have a cellular phone. Never consider the bus as safe place where you could send your text messages. As much as possible, do not use your cellphone while you are in the bus or jeepney, becuase if you do that would be a sure invitation for snatchers and/or holduppers masquerading as passengers in the bus.

Next, if you hail an FX taxi and yu notice most (if not all) of their passengers are male who looks suspicious, the best thing you could do is to wait for another FX taxi. Why? you migth be riding with holduppers again.

Now, if you are taking the MRT, it would be wiser if you would go to the frontmost cab. MOst of the passengers are crammed at the back where the terminal entrance/exit is near.

PASOK HO KAYO, MALUWAG PA ANG SA AKIN

Never ever asked a Metro Manila bus conductor or Bus Driver about his concept of space, you might think they have a problem with their vision.

When a bus conductor shouts, "Maluwag pa!" it does not really mean that you have enough space inside the bus to be able to sit comfortably. He means you still have enough space to squeeze yourself in an already jump-packed bus. Never mind if you would be cramped next to person who never uses a deodorant in his life. Never mind if your feet ache and you need to sit. Most of these conductor and drivers would not care at all. All they care is that you are in there and they can issue tickets to you.

You see most of the bus companies in Metro Manila offer commission to their drivers and conductor aside from their regular salary. So the more passenger they have, the more commission they would get, never mind if the bus takes more than its maximum capacity. But who can blame them for wanting more money. In these times, you need all the additional income you can take home to your family.

So what would you do? Sit (if you can still find a seat) and breathe. Ready? In 2, 3, 4, hold, 5, 6, 7, out 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and repeat . . .

Sex and the President

This might be a bit late na, but it is still worth talking.

So the President is having plenty of sex, Good for her! Then why create a big issue? Just becuase she answered that question? Critics of the President always jump in to any oppurtunity where they could say something bad about the her. What if the president didn't answered it, I bet they would still have something nasty to say.

So what's wrong with the President admitting she has a healthy sex life? Just becuase you're the President you ceases to become human, I don't think so. It would bother me if we have a frigid as Chief Executive!

Lotto Mania

There seems to be one topic of discussion today in Metro Manila and probably in the whole country. My housemates talk about it, the people in the bus talk about it and so are my officemates.

The discussion starts with this question: If you will win the 188 million pesos jockpot of the Lotto, what would you do with the money?

Well, if you will ask me, i might invest 25 percent of the money through stocks and other form of investments. The rest i will time deposit. With the interest alone, I am already assured of a better life. Imagine, even with the interest of one percent per annum, you are assured of at least one million a year, thats more than 80 thousand per month. So what are you waiting for, go to your nearest lotto outlet. Go now before the line goes terrible.

Welcome earthlings!

Hi! Welcome to my blog. Like i said in the description, this is a site where I will chronicle my survival and adventure in Metro Manila. This might be a good site for all "Probinsyanos" out there who thinks of making a living in this Urban Jungle with mammoth traffic and congested canals that would give a 100 percent flooding everytime its rains hard.

I have been working in Makati for a year already and if there's one thing I have realized, it is how Manila shrink in front of you. You know, when you are a probinsyano like me you think of Manila as one big City with all its grandeur (tall building, beautiful parks, big shopping malls) and at the same time fear about the stories you watched in the movies or in your television sets. Everytime you come to Manila for a visit, the site is really overwhelming for you. But living here for a year already and having been to places (most of the time alone) like ayala, avenida, recto, cubao, ortigas, you realized that little by little your self-developed myth about Manila seems to disintegrate everyday. And once you've got to have the taste of the adventures (well most of it) the city offers, the place ceases to become an overwhelming place.

From day 1, you have to learn to adjust to riding buses, jeepneys and take more than one ride just to go to your desired destination (in the province yu can just hire a pedicab and they will bring you wherever you want to go). You have to learn to find a cheap place to eat and have the patience in following the que. An yes, you would learn that taxi drivers here knows how to round of to what they same is the nearest number. Like if your taxi meters tell s its 43 pesos and you gave 100 bucks, you know that you will receive a change of 50 pesos.

After learning all the things you need to learn, then you will realized you can "overcome Manila".