COÑO DAW O!

Seated in front of me in the bus last night where three girls. The girl seated beside the window caught my attention, not because of her looks, but because of her coño talk. Coño talk is the dialect with mixed Tagalog and English spoken with a particular accent and spoken by a young upperclass urbanite (and of course the wannabees).

I listened to what that girl was talking about (this is me, thinking:

coño wannabee girl: There was actually this guy who auditioned. That was Piolo. Kailangan niyang mapa “I Love You” si Bea to pass the audition. (Can you believe that this coño-talking girl watched “Dreamboy”?) It’s a nice movie talaga (WHAAAAT?!) as in kilig talaga! (OHMIGAD! What happened to this world!)

coño wannabee’s friend: By the way, napanood mo na ba ang “Darna”?

coño wannabee girl: Ay! Oo, napaka jologs naman ng special effects. Mas mabuti pa ang “Krystala” and “Spirits”. Ayaw ko talaga ng mga soaps sa siyete, ang jologs (and you think di ka jologs?!). Pero grabe talaga ang “Save The Last Dance”, napanood mo ba ang ending? Naiyak ako, di ba it’s so sweet? (Bus Driver pakibilisbilisan nga ang pagpapatakbo at ng makababa na ako or else masapak ko pa tong babae nato!)

One time I was at the back seat of an FX on my way home and there was this chubby woman seated in front of me. Ang gaga probably she noticed me and started to make pa-cute and did a coño talk. With her knees stuck together, a pouting lips and running her right middle and index finger on her hair right on top of her right ear (in otherwords, nagpapacute!), she started talking to her companion:

nagpapacute na chubbing coño: Kasi naman, di naman talaga ako ganun, di ba? I mean sa relatioship kailangan naman kayong dalawa di ba ang mag work? Eh yung sa ex ko (aba! At nagkaboyfirned ka pa pala!), lagi na lang ako ang naghahabol (aba naman iha! Umasa ka pa! At please lang no, di bagay sayo magpacute-cute ng boses kasi ang laki-laki mo!)

What happened to this world na ba talaga? I mean why are people like that? They think na if they talk mixed Tagalog and English, people will think they are sosyal na! I mean, da buh? It matters naman kung bagay sayo ang mag pa coño da buh? And of course, nagcoño talk ka nga, eh ang jologs naman ng topic mo. I mean, Gad! Piolo Pascual and Bea in “Dreamboy”?!!!! It really affects my sensibilities, da buh?