RAINBOW CONNECTIONS

What if my eight-year-old self is standing in front of me right now and will ask me what happened to him 18 years after? What if he will ask, at 26 year old, do I still want those things I dream about when I was still eight? Or do I still believe on matters I hold on as true when I was still eight? Can my eight-year-old self recognize me at 26? Or am I a totally different person?

I was confronted with these questions when I watched Disney's "The Kid" in HBO last week. Bruce Willis starred the said movie. Here's the synopsis of the movie by Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat :

Shortly before his fortieth birthday, Russ Duritz (Bruce Willis) starts seeing things. He's convinced that some person in an old red airplane is buzzing him on the highway. Oddly enough, when he was a young boy his ambition was to be a pilot. Instead, he is now a wildly successful, workaholic image consultant who enjoys bossing around his wealthy clientele and his faithful assistant Janet (Lily Tomlin).

This wheeler-dealer lives alone in a fancy house, and it's no wonder. He doesn't relate very well to people. When his father (Daniel Von Bergen) asks for help with a move, Russ gives him a check to cover the expenses. He isn't much better in his personal relationship with Amy (Emily Mortimer), a business associate who is offended when Russ exploits some children in order to save face for a besieged baseball team owner. The only one Russ can turn to for advice is Deirdre (Jean Smart), an L.A. television anchor he meets on an airplane.
Russ never talks about his past. That's probably why one day Rusty (Spencer Breslin), Russ's eight-year-old self, shows up. The boy is a crybaby, weak, overweight, and picked on by older kids. Russ is embarrassed by him. But then Rusty is not very impressed with what he has become in middle age — a lonely, driven, single man who doesn't even have a dog.

The Kid is one of those special movies that compels us to consider our lives afresh. How have we treated our "inner child" and the incidents in our past that have deeply influenced us? What family wounds have we still not resolved? And are we capable of embracing all that we have been and all that we are now?

* * *

What was I at 8?

I was thin, weak, insecure and a crybaby. My mother was working as a cashier at the Department of Public Works and Highways, my father is a laborer of the same government agency. The boys in my class and in my neighborhood constantly picked on me and called me all those unpleasant things you don't want to hear as a kid (bayot, double-blade, pangit, etc.). I don't know how to fight back, my only refuge is to run and cry. I live in a very small house that does not have any foundations (the wooden post of our old house was literally placed on top of a rock). My only source of entertainment are the encyclopedias (20 volume of New Arthur Mess Children's Encyclopedia and six volumes of Popular Science by Grolier) my mom bought and a radio. I had a few matchbox toys and few clothes, I never had a game and watched (even a brick game!).

My favorite past time is listening to Cebuano soap operas of Radio Mindanao Network (DXMB in Malaybalay, DXCC in Cagayan de Oro and DYHP in Cebu). My parents can't afford the five pesos orchestra seat in the movie house in Malaybalay that has a double showing. I love to visit my neighbor's house and play bahay-bahayan or any game we could think of. I love to dance and to sing.

I was baduy.

As a child, I believe that there is a Santa Clause though I haven't experienced putting a stocking on the wall because my mom won't allow it. I believe that only through good work and diligence could land you in a position you want. I believe that there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I believe that your wish could be answered if you wish on a falling star. I am naïve and will easily trust on the promises of friends and the people around me.

There are things about me though that I now I am blessed compared to the other kids of my age. My level of intelligence is a notch higher than a regular kid of my age. I am a fast learner and a very independent child. I survived elementary and high school without any assistance from my parents for my assignments and homework. As long as I can handle a problem, I was able to solve it on my own. I love to talk and listen to the conversation of older people. In class, I am one of those to reckon with in terms of recitation. I don't have a stage fright.

Despite this, there is one big problem, being a student in a school where your family's social standing matters, I wasn't given enough chance to show what I can do. When selection time comes, I am usually sidelined in favor of those kids coming from the members of the alta sociedad.

That was I as a child. Other people might consider me a loser, but I was determined to change all that.

In the movie, there was a scene where Rusty asked Russ what happened to him in between him the eight year old Rusty and the 39 year old Russ. Russ told him how he transformed from being a "loser" to a big shot image consultant and how a scholarship at UCLA helped him.

Well, if Russ is a true person we might be having parallel lives. College changed my life, Silliman changed me. College thought me how to be cultured and appreciate film, theater, and classical music. And yes, college thought me how to speak better English.

Now, as a young professional in Makati City, I am exposed to the finer things in life. I develop a taste. On the other hand, I am also exposed to the harsh realities in life, of how people took advantage of your trust and loyalty, of how people used each other in order to succeed.

Now, there is a part of me that would want to erase what I was as a child. When I think of Malaybalay there is always a heavy heart attached to it. It is nice to watch that film an remind ourselves that yes we could change for the better but from time to time, it would be nice to get hold of our "inner child". That despite the sophistication we achieve or would want to possess, we can still have those simple joys like what we experienced as a child. It would still be good to leave a part of us that would still believe on the goodness of some people.

If am standing in front of my eight-year-old self now, I would be telling him I've changed. But he need not to worry, because deep in my heart I still have the Eric who loves to frolic at the river at the back of our house, who loves to sing and dance, who loves to eat sour guavas, santol and mangoes and dip it in a sauce made of mixed toyo, vinegar and rock salt. The same Eric who finds happiness in reading stories of triumph, who loves to run in the field covered with green grass and bathed by the rays of the afternoon sun and would later on lay on the same grass field and watch at the star-filled sky of Bukidnon and make a wish on the falling star. The same Eric who loves to climb fruit trees in our front and back yard and happily distributes freshly picked fruits to my neighbors, sisters and friends. The same Eric who cries at sentimental movies of Sharon, Nora and Vilma.

Ohh, it's nice to be in touch with your inner child again and be filled with wonder on its innocence and forget, for the time being, the strife and hatred you watched and listen in places you move.


Rainbow Connection

Why are there so many songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side?
Rainbows are vision, but only illusions,
Rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it.
I know they're wrong wait and see
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connections.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Who said that every wish would be heard unanswered
When wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that.
And someone believed it.
Look what it's done so far.
What so amazing that keeps us star gazing
And what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connections.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Have we been half asleep and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is it the sweet sound that calls the young sailor.
The voice might be one and the same.
I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
It's something that I'm supposed to be.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connections.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.